November 18, 2005
I did something that I didn't even know was possible
The other day Collin and Joe and myself from Elany Arts had a big important meeting with the Delaware Teacher Center in Dover (we're putting together a fancy website for them, which they really do need).
After the meeting, we stopped for lunch at Uno's. We ordered a crab and shrimp dip for appetizers. So we're just talking having a good time. . . chatting and waiting for our entrees to show up while dining on this delicious crab and shrimp creaminess.
I have this strange problem that happens to me every once in a while. It's kind of like when you're drinking something and it goes down the wrong pipe and you start choking. Except, for me, it happens when I'm not even drinking and a little bit of saliva chokes me up. It's always unbelievable when it happens, but I cough and tear up and choke and it's loud and disturbing and strange. I didn't really think it could get any worse.
Well, if you've just eaten your fill of crab and shrimp fondue, it can get much worse.
The inexplicable choke happened to me, and caused me to spontaneously throw up on the table. Like mid-sentence. Like an exorcism. Here I was, vomiting and watching Joe and Collin react in suprised horror. But it's not over, I'm still choking, the throw-up has not solved this problem. But this time. . . and I didn't even know this was possible. . . I throw up through my nose.
Yes, that's right, a huge amount of vomit flies out of my nostrils. By this time I have turned my head so this is happening on the booth seat, covering it. And my sinuses are chock-filled with crab meat and pieces of shrimp. Argh, I can't quite describe just how much this hurt and how disgusting it was. For the rest of the day, I still was blowing strings of crab meat out of my nose, and nothing I could do would scrub the smell of vomit from within my nostrils.
Of course, as soon as I throw-up, the waiter starts to come with our steaks. In half-blinded desperation, I grabbed as many napkins as I could and furiously started cleaning up the recycled crab dip. Somehow, the waiter didn't notice, even though I was just finishing the scrubbing of the table as he placed the plate down.
I'd like to say that I somehow learned something from this experience. Like maybe how to avoid it in the future. However, I don't know how it happened and now am cursed to live with the knowledge that this very well could happen again, at the worst moment.
And you thought you had problems.
Posted by jason on November 18, 2005 09:32 PM
Posted by: jdw on November 18, 2005 10:03 PM
It is a good thing that Darby has already married you and you don't need to go through the whole dating process under the stress of the ever-present-chance that that terrible ordeal could happen again...
Posted by: Jessica on November 18, 2005 11:19 PM
But, I have to say that I was laughing out loud while reading it...Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: jessica on November 18, 2005 11:20 PM
Too bad that didn't happen during our small tour of Myrtle Beach--I am sure that the Buffet Brothers would have appreciated that!
Posted by: Jessica on November 18, 2005 11:21 PM
wow! thats all i can really say..
Posted by: jaysonjaz on November 19, 2005 09:28 AM
I think the Buffet Brothers would definitely not let me become a Buffet Brother if I did such a thing.
As a witness of the event, I really can't stress enough how disgusting, horrifying, and utterly hilarious the whole thing was.
It looked like a baby spitting up. It came from nowhere. we were laughing and talking, and then all of a sudden, there is a river of vomit tumbling from Jase's surprised face onto the table. He tried to stop it with his hand, but to no avail. It just sprayed with more ferocity through his fingers and out of his nose. Joe and I were laughing so hard, the only thing that kept us from falling on the ground was the tight little booth. The funny thing was, Jase was so surprised, he was laughing just as hard, and it is a truly insane sight... a man laughing hysterically while vomiting through his nose on a restaurant table... There was nothing to do but laugh.
How the waiter didn't see it, I will never understand. Jase literally wiped it away as the plate was descending toward the table. Jase still had a face covered in nastiness and was basically sitting in another huge puddle / pile of it on the bench.
Perhaps the most amazing part of the story... jase wipes off his face, picks up his fork, and digs into the rest of his meal.
Posted by: Collin - Band Member on November 19, 2005 09:41 AM
That brought tears to my eyes, in all the good ways :) It's good to laugh first thing in the morning... thanks Jason.
I once tried to play catch with my barff too... it's a lot harder than one might think, right?! (gross)
Posted by: Laura on November 19, 2005 09:53 AM
You ever poop out of your nose. Now THAT'S disgusting.
i was scared for a moment in your story when you were choking, then when i read that barf came out your nose.. i was like "i wish i could have saw that!" glad your ok.. that was really funny!!!
Posted by: Anonymous on November 19, 2005 10:52 AM
If he had been choking, he may have died, because joe and I were laughing too hard to regain composure and perform the heimlich maneuver.
Posted by: Collin - Band Member on November 19, 2005 11:10 AM
it's good friends that can laugh at you when you hurt yourself real bad or about to die.
Posted by: childish on November 19, 2005 12:56 PM
hahahah thats so gross but funny
wow i feel like i havent been here in ages
Posted by: Poncho on November 20, 2005 06:28 PM
Where have you been Poncho?
Posted by: Ian on November 20, 2005 06:59 PM
Well, glad you're ok. It's kind of bad, but all I can think of is South Park and I think it's Kyle ( I don't watch it that often) just throwing up out of nowhere whenever he sees Wendy. And if it makes you feel any better there was a possible 5 shows on Sat/Sun that I wanted to goto and because of all sorts of crazy stuff I didn't get to go to one of them.
Posted by: Jack on November 21, 2005 06:30 AM
how was a show> you are a band!
Posted by: joshua Latshaw on November 21, 2005 09:03 AM
Josh, the whole band thing is just a front so we can have this rad website.
Posted by: Anonymous on November 21, 2005 09:49 AM
Let's be honest, at this point in our carreers, throwing up in restaurants is a lot more interesting than our shows.
Posted by: Ian on November 21, 2005 11:36 AM
hehe and ive been busy with school lately
and sick alot
i burned the roof of my mouth with pizza....gosh!!
Posted by: Poncho on November 21, 2005 03:13 PM