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February 24, 2006

Pet Peeve of the Day: Electric Scooters

I need to vent about something. After being nearly run off the sidewalk here in sunny Disney World multiple times . . .


There are way too many people riding electric scooters now.

Way. Too. Many.

I understand that these large annoying beasts have their place. For very old people. And very handicapped people. But really, those are the only 2 people that should be riding these things around when you could -- neigh, should -- be walking.

It seems now though that people only slightly older and / or slightly overweight are giving up one of the few advantages we have over the rest of the animal kingdom -- WALKING -- and eagerly giving into this Jabba-the-Huttish tendency of just sitting and be moved around without any exersion at all.

They are so rude too, laying on their tinny horns, acting as if they are cars driving on highways and we are mere pedestrians who stumbled into their domain.

Hey scooter-people! This is a sidewalk! I don't need to wait for you to pass at a top speed of 2.4 MPH before I cross your path. You may think I won't be able to make it, but I promise you, I am not a 3 toed sloth. I will be able to pass without a collosion. I promise you. So stop beeping at me and giving me that sour face.

They congregate in gangs. I'm not lying, like motorcyle gangs, only on these beeping electric scooters, driving 6 wide to terrorize the walking among us. And then -- if that's not bad enough -- they roll on up to the front of the line, past all the walking people (usually surrounded by an entourage numbering into the teens), because goodness knows they can't stand in line with the rest of us. No, their feet couldn't handle it.

(While I'm on a rant, I might as well also mention the group of "handicapped hanger-oners" who seem to only go to amusement parks with handicapped people so that they can go to the front of the line. One time I saw these 3 (normal, healthy) irate women yelling at a Disney employee because a particular ride was not "wheel-chair special entry." In other words, the regular line could accomodate wheelchairs, so those in wheelchairs had to wait (in their wheelchairs), in line, like everyone else. They had a severely mentally challenged person with them, in a wheelchair, and they just refused to get into the normal line. "What in the world are we going to tell him!" They asked, and pointed to their companion. Who was picking his nose, eating it, and then said "I don't want to go on this ride! I told you!" People! Handicapped people are not "Go to the front of the line passes"! Don't treat them as such.)

Again, I'm not talking about the very old or the very immobile. Of course a scooter is a God send for them. I'm talking about little-Ms-I-weigh-40-pounds-too-much-so-the-solution-to-that-problem-is-to-give-up

Maybe.. . maybe. .. part of the problem is that you no longer walk. Think about that! You no longer walk from here to there.

Look. I know that a day at Disney is exhausting. My feet are sore too. Maybe. . .sometimes, I might like to glide around the park on my own electrically powered chariot, beeping at all the walking people who deign to get within 10 feet of my majestic transport. But hey, it was a big day when I learned how to walk. I'm not ready to forfeit that skill just yet.

To sum up this rant, I shall share with you a battle, an epic war that Darby witnessed while attempting to rent a stroller at Epcot. A mildly overweight woman and a very old handicapped man had unfortunately both been promised the LAST SCOOTER in the park (yes, they were OUT OF THEM, that's how many people are now buzzing around on these things). In between haranguing the manager for not having enough scooters for the parkgoers and insisting that she would get the scooter no matter what, she kept telling the poor old man that she was promised the scooter first, and he would just have to deal with it.

Managers after managers were called, the problem was discussed, until finally a resolution was reached.

And away she rolled on the last scooter. . . gleefully beeping at the walkers, on her way to the nearest ice cream stand.

I swear, it's gotten so bad that now when I see a somewhat overweight or older person actually walking in the park, I want to kiss them full in the mouth and just congratulate them for not succumbing to the scooter pressure just yet. Really, bravo!

PS. I've been complaining about this all week. And yesterday I call home to find out that my younger brother – who had a serious knee injury last month – scooted around Costo the other day in on of these electric scooters. Pretty funny.

Posted by jason on February 24, 2006 09:09 PM


electric scooters are for fat people.... i should get one for my brother then.

but yea i agree with you on the people although sometimes i wish i was one of the people in them because scooters are too awesome.

The happiest day ever was when i broke my leg and they let me ride a electric scooter.

Posted by: Poncho on February 24, 2006 10:52 PM

That's cool! :D

Posted by: Aom_rock_magical on February 25, 2006 03:59 AM

That was your happiest day? Hmmm, it was OK riding around Costco but slightly embarrassing and my kids could easily ourrun me! Jason, I feel your pain. The epidemic of laziness is getting so bad -- when people are fighting for their comfort at the expense of old men who actually need a little assistance. I wonder how that woman would feel if that old man had a stroke or worse during his day at Disney all cause she wanted to continue her lifestlye of non-exertion! Poor old man!

Posted by: brokenkneeguy on February 25, 2006 08:13 AM

Oh, it wasn't that bad. I just found that lady, knifed her in the back, and then sped away with MY scooter. Septuagenarians Rule!!!

Posted by: The Old Man on February 25, 2006 05:20 PM

This rant may be your best yet! You just made my Monday that much better.

Posted by: Erin on February 27, 2006 10:04 AM

At least someone is cheered up by your grumpy mofuggerness.

Posted by: scooter king on February 27, 2006 10:23 AM

where have all the look machine gone?

Posted by: jack on February 28, 2006 12:16 PM

2 of us are in Seattle. The others are still mixing.

Posted by: jason on February 28, 2006 01:06 PM

you spelled neigh like the sound a horse makes which makes the first paragraph very funny. i think you meant nay.

Posted by: joshua Latshaw on March 1, 2006 01:21 PM

you spelled neigh like the sound a horse makes which makes the first paragraph very funny. i think you meant nay.

Posted by: joshua Latshaw on March 1, 2006 01:21 PM

O man, I about fell off my chair laughing. I bumped into your post by accident. My family just got back from Disney world, and I have been ranting about the same thing. Seriously, I've been asking the question... If you are not disabled enough to own one/bring one yourself, why do you need to rent one at the park?

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