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April 29, 2006

Solving The Nintendo Wii Crisis

Ever since Nintendo announced the new name for it's next generation gaming console, reaction has been, ah, mixed to say the least. Wii. Of course, the puns have been prevelant, because they are very obvious.

OK, so again, like I've said, I'm still going to buy it and enjoy it. Really, how can you let a silly name get in the way of playing a game where you hold a sword in one hand and a gun in another? Or let a bad monikor stop you from playing Madden where the following is your control scheme:

When you first play it, it's completely different. When you go to hike the ball, for instance, as opposed to pressing a button you simply jerk the controller up. Boom, you snap the ball. When you want to pass the ball, you gesture a throwing motion while holding the button down to the intended receiver. When you want to stiff-arm left or right, you juke with the nunchuck controller literally. When you want to kick, you gesture the kick motion.

Come on, that's going to be fantastic, and they could call the console the Nintendo VomitMaster and I'd still give it a chance.

But still, I think that I've stumbled upon a solution for their Wii-problem.

I shall be pronouncing the W like a V, like Germans do when they torture people "Ve have Vays of making you talk!" Yes, for me, this console will be called the Nintendo Vii.

Which actually makes some sense, it's their 5th major console (NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, Vii), and those two little i's could even stand in for the gameboy and the DS. Also, V is just cool, like it can stand for Victory. And it just sounds tougher, yet not too tough and technical like the XBOX 360.

Now you may say, "you can't just call it something different," but I would disagree and say there is actually precedent for consumers calling something different then the corporation intended.

Target is often pronounced Tar-jay by people who are hoping to increase the stores' hipness factor. (Incidentally, I tried doing the same thing for Walmart by pronouncing it Val-Marr, which I think sounds much more chic, but it never caught on).

So if people can call their Targets "Tar-jay," I will be calling my Nintendo Wii a Nintendo Vii.

And now it will be very easy to say, "Hey, let's get together and play with my Vii."

Problem solved.

Come on people, spread the word. One person it's an idea. Two people it's an inside joke. 3 people and it's a movement. Nintendo Vii -- you heard it here first.

Posted by jason on April 29, 2006 11:15 AM


If I wanted a realistic football-playing experience, I'd go outside. Give me my buttons back.

Posted by: SnakeMan on April 29, 2006 12:17 PM

I think Vomit Master is an awesome name...

that cracks me up

Posted by: jaysonjaz on April 29, 2006 05:10 PM

"Because, it's really not about you or me. It's about Wii. And together, Wii will change everything."

Posted by: Shigeru Miyamoto on April 30, 2006 08:25 AM

You must be on crack if you think 'come on over and play with my Vii' is any less foul than 'come on over and play with my Wii.' CRACKAH! I ain't coming over to play wit nuttin!


So like.. when you getting Madden again?

Posted by: Stealth Maestro H. Valentine on April 30, 2006 06:50 PM

Posted by: Will Farrell on May 1, 2006 10:36 AM

I hate when people say Tar-jay. It makes ME a vomit master.

Posted by: Xerxes [TypeKey Profile Page] on May 2, 2006 04:58 AM

What's worse Tar-jay, or Mar-Shells? Ugh... People need to face the fact neither one of the monster chains is a french boutique and it doesn't make you any fancier to pretend that they are. It makes you look like an idiot.

Posted by: Collin - band member on May 2, 2006 09:13 AM

I think they're just doing it to be funny. It's tired, but I think they feel it's funny. I don't actually think that they *believe* it's French. However... that would be freaking hilarious if they did. "vhat... zis es not francias!? Ah... ze humanity! I must play vith my Vii now..."

Posted by: Stealth Maestro H. Valentine on May 3, 2006 12:40 AM

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