Lay me off
I work at a worldwide financial institute (to remain nameless), but I've saved up money so that I can quit and work on the other things I'm dying to do. Like, be in a band. And go to film school (or at least make films).

So I was going to quit -- first in August of last year. But then my manager got pregnant (not by me!) and I didn't want to leave while she was out on maternity leave. Then I decided on December. But my manager talked me out of that, wanted me to stay until March. So ok, I like her alot and I want to make things easier for her. So then the date was March 1.

Then my company announced that they are merging with another worldwide financial institute. (Worldwide companies do this far too often.) And then they had a hiring freeze, so if I were to leave, I couldn't be replaced by anyone, leaving my team to do all the work that I do.

So I could just leave anyway, but I like the people I work with. And then they announced that they'd be laying off a bunch of people through this merger. (In a purely Orwellian sense, in meetings where the merger is discussed, whenever they are talking about putting teams together and being able to eliminate certain people, it's called "Headcount Upside" . . . makes me kind of sick.)

I'm on a small team -- at the most they'll layoff 1-2 people on our team, if I were to leave before the layoffs, they wouldn't take that into consideration, and might still cut 1-2 people. So now I'm staying around so I can be laid off instead of someone who actually wants the job.

Plus, getting 3 months of pay when I was going to quit anyway would be kind of nice.

But it's starting to look like I'm NOT going to get laid off. In perfect corporate executive ignorance, they are making all of their secret layoff decisions without consulting anyone who would know the best way to do it (like they did last time).

And I just know that some random person on my team is going to get laid off, and they are gonig to make me quit. I just know it.

Please lay me off!!!! This is my new mantra.