a very long post from Jason
I just played basketball so my heart is beating fast and I'm not going to be able to fall asleep for some time, so I'll just write.

First, here is an incredible message we received from one of our great fans, which I thought I'd share you with all. The fact that someone would take the time to write this long of a message to us means a whole lot, I love this guy. And he makes some great insights. I didn't post everything here, left some of the very personal parts out, but let me know what you think. I think he's right, that true artists have to just fan that tiny God given flame of creativity while the world basically tries to blow it out. . .

hey look,
how's everyone? everyone out of the hospital? good. lemme cut to the chase... awhile ago, you guys wrote in your log about getting a few not so favorable reviews, and how difficult it is dealing with them.

in a show of solidarity, i scoured the house and threw out all my mittens, every last filthy one of them. and not an easy thing for me to do, for my collection, if i may say so myself, is (uh, was) the envy of all odessans, and we odessans take our mittens very seriously. but wait, i digress...

forgive me if this all sounds trite, if you've heard it all before or if you knew it already. but i thought i'd try to encourage you, for this is something i've struggled with for thirty years. we all know we can't please everyone, but we can please One, and what's cooler than that? i'm not even sure "constructive criticism" is all that it's cracked up to be. would the beatles have created revolver or sgt. pepper? would hendrix have broken the ground he did if he listened to popular opinions? just write for Him, play for Him, as if He were the only one in the room. if you can, try to lock into Him, and imagine how He's responding. is He smiling, bobbing his head, tapping his birkenstocks (possibly old school high top cons), or wind-milling around the room looking for the nearest mosh pit? His response is truly the only one that matters.

something i'm trying to do lately is locking in to Jesus even when i'm just practicing, especially when i'm just practicing. i figure if it becomes second nature then, it will definitely be easier to be lost in Him while performing in front of ten or tens of thousands. i'm in no way advocating some quiet, reflective stage presence, far from it. how ever you lock into Him, standing still, wind-milling, running around like banshees, do it all out. as if this was the last time you might play for Him. if nothing is held back, either during the writing, practicing or performance stages, then all is right with the world. there'll be no reason to look back or second guess. it won't matter what anyone thinks or says, christian or heathen. was Jesus diggin' you? yeah? cool. job well done.
now, on the other hand, we all hope that people can relate to, get touched by and enjoy what we do. God also desires us to run the race to win, to be the best we possibly can. but He doesn't want us to dwell on successes or failures, glowing reviews or slams. it's a deadly thing to do. i know first hand. the last time i played was up at villanova around 1988, at their commons, hosted by one of their church groups. since it was in a very public place, people were watching tv, i think something like the simpsons were on. it was time for me to go on, the tvs were turned off, and i was met with a chorus of boos. great start, huh? i never really got going after that, i forgot words, forgot music and in general had a horrible time. oh yeah, and during, i was occasionally heckled. how bad was it? people came up afterwards and told me they loved it, were blessed by it yadda yadda yadda... but that's neither here nor there. the only thing that matters is how i responded to the performance. and it wasn't pretty. i remember screaming at God, "no more, this is too painful". yep, i threw me a righteous little hissy fit. just because some didn't like me, just because i got heckled, i questioned everything. was God in this? was i supposed to be doing this? etc. etc. on and on for the next 15 years or so. man, 15 years right down the crapper. wasted. just because i thought too much. too much about everything that doesn't matter one bit to God. but my guitar never gathered any dust, for i wrote constantly. problem was, i never shared it with anyone, not even my wife. how sick is that? i became so self-concious that i refused to play for even one person.
so now i'm 48, and going to give it another try. why? because God is in this and i'm supposed to be as well. what have i learned in 15 years? to play to Him with reckless abandon. pure and simple. to write, arrange, practice, record and perform with reckless abandon. to Him and only Him. if i can do that, then i'll have nothing to fear when He asks me what have i done with the talent He lent me. did i turn a profit or did i bury it.
the only reason i told you of my own experiences (and risked looking like a total geek) was to try to keep you all from making the same mistake i made. don't think, just play. don't put much stock in anyone's comments, good or bad. and that includes my own comments. if this email has missed the mark, i apologize. my sole intention was to encourage you guys and to let you know i'll be praying for you, uh, with reckless abandon... i'm looking forward to seeing you again, hopefully soon.

He's totally right. What matters is that the Look Machine is true to ourselves, our roots, who we are, and our Creator. And this kind of knowing can give us a confidence.

Now we do not consider ourselves a Christian band, even though we are all Christians. There are 2 reasons for this. One, we have the desire to have everyone hear and enjoy our music. And when bands are labelled a Christian band, it's basically foreordained that they will only play to Christians. That's cool and all -- we want that, but we also want to be on the Howard Stern show, we want to play huge festivals where people are lighting up, we want to play in bars where people may be getting drunk to forget about their lives. Unfortunatley, Jars of Clay just doesn't get to do this. We want to be there because we believe that we have a message of hope. A message that life can be better. A message that life is hard for everyone, (except Collin!), but that there are people, and a God, who would like to help out, like to make things better. .. .

I remember many years ago when I saw marilyn manson close the MTV video awards, he said something about declaring the fascism of Christianity over because all Christians are assholes. And the crowd cheered. And it just made me sooo sad. See, I understand why people would feel that way. I really do. Many Christians are sadly guilty as charged. I mean really. And Marilyn is certainly allowed to feel that way (though it's all really just an act, one to make him money).

But I couldn't help but think, where is the other side? Where is the voice of the other side? There was none. I think POD does a good job of projecting what Christianity should be about -- loving others, caring for the needy, living a righteous life. But I really do think they are about the only ones (although I love what Bono is doing in Africa in the name of God.) I want to put the Look Machine up there along with POD as examples of musicians where people can say, "Well, Marilyn is wrong, not all Christians are that way." And beyond that, I would LOVE it if someone was in despair and they would turn one of our songs on and it would be used to soothe their soul. I once had a dream of my (and my wife's) music melting chains off of people like a flame melts wax. I know that sounds kind of dorky, but at the same time this is what music can do for me sometimes, so maybe I can return the favor.

And really, I know many many christians, and I'd say that honestly only about 5% of them are horrible people. It's just that they are normally the LOUDEST ONES and also the ones MOST LIKELY TO EMPHASIZE THAT THEY ARE CHRISTIANS.

You know what I'm incredibly sick of? The dehumanization of the Christian. What do I mean by that? I mean that once I tell someone I am a Christian, I risk them forgetting that I am a person with my own thoughts, beliefs and emotions, and soul, and all of a sudden I'm thrust into this category where I support guns rights and vote blindly for George W., and hate gays and want to shoot abortionists. And I don't even get a chance to discuss any of these things. I risk no longer being a person worth getting to know in some peoples' eyes. THIS is the reason that at times I am not eager to share that I am a Christian -- not people I'm ashamed of God or Jesus or anything. That kind of rolls up into reason #1 why we don't want to be known as a Christian band.

Reason #2 is that I think that Christian bands are normally required to then write Christian songs -- WHATEVER THAT MEANS! I write human songs. Written from the perspective of someone who has a relationship with God, but very human. One is about the desire to believe more, to just give up my need to understand everything before I pick a side and jump in. Another about a strong desire to stay in someones life because I think that I can actually make that life so much better, but I'm fearful they don't realize that. Another about the liberating thought that I can walk away from a bad relationship, a bad situation -- that I can run away from it and never look back. Another about the pain one feels when what once was the most comfortable, most familiar group of people all of a sudden becomes hostile and painful. .. but you know you shouldn't abandon them, and you stay, torture yourself and look forward to the time you'll be close again. Another about being sick of hearing everyone say they've figured out all the problems in this world, and of course they are caused by people other than themselves. Another about breaking away from a person who was instrumental in forming who you are, but then you realize that you don't like who you are, so you don't really like what they did.

Are these Christian songs? I don't know, but they're my songs. They're where I was at a certain time, and they are things felt deeply in my heart. And I don't want to have to deal with the fact that they aren't directly written to Jesus or they aren't love songs for my savior, which I think would be expectations of a Christian band. I can't deal with what I see are limitations placed on Christian artists.

But this fan is right, I think that because these are honest expressions of my desires and pain, that Jesus is completely enjoying these songs. And that's what I should truly care about. And to be completely honest, writing them and singing them is helpful for me, because there is a whole lot of stuff in my life that is great, but there is some stuff that is really difficult too, and this music makes my burdens lighter. So who cares if filthy mittens doesn't like it? It's like medicine for me anyway.

All of a sudden, garageband doesn't seem as important, although it's still an addiction of mine to check it out.

To switch topics, someone asked about "the look machine" -- the origin of the name. When my daughter was 2, she would constantly take construction paper and roll it up (like a telescope) and then put a million pieces of scotch tape on it. The she would christen it a "look machine" and give it to someone special. I thought the idea of a look machine was very cool -- like this invention that forces you to look at things. Because honestly, I think that many people (myself included) live life on automatic often, not really perceiving or seeing or hearing or feeling what is going around us, until maybe a crisis occurs, or something really dramatic. I think that is sad, because we miss out on a lot. So I stored this little phrase away as a "potential good band name." (others that are still store away incidentally: Mosaic, Unveil). Then one day when Ian Collin and I were all talking about potential names I mentioned it, and they liked it a lot. And I like it as a potential mandate for the band -- we're to make music that kind of forces people to look at their lives, to feel something, to do something, to live.

Anyone who is still reading deserves a medal. Goodnight all.

We're recording on Thursday and Friday, wish us luck, pray, whatever you do. . .