Thursday, May 12, 2005

Oliver the Humanzee?

At 11 a documentary started about this strange creature from the Congo named Oliver that was very likely half human half chimpanzee, called a Humanzee. They said that they would do DNA testing once and for all to find out if this was true.



Oliver's face looked a little more human, he only walked upright, liked to mix drinks and smoke cigars, and preferred the company of humans to chimps. Especially the ladies (seriously, the first time he was sold was because he nearly raped his owner's wife.)

Anyway, I want to go to bed, not stay up until midnight waiting to see the results of the DNA testing. Not waiting while they tell me that Ligers exist (lion and tigers mating) and mules (donkeys and horses), so there is no scientific reason that Humanzees cannot also exsit (humans and . . . ugh. . . chimps).

So I looked it up online.

"Oliver is all chimp. 100%" Just kind of an ugly mutated one I guess.

Thanks Animal Planet for wasting my time!

PS. The show in front of the Trabant went well yesterday, and we actually picked up another show because someone there really liked us. Details to come.

43 Comments:

Blogger Jayson J said...

they're pretty much my favorite animals..
bred for their skills in magic

5/13/2005 8:53 AM  
Blogger Jayson J said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 8:53 AM  
Blogger Jason - Band Member said...

Did you know that Ligers are the largest cats in the world because the growth inhibitors in female lions and male tigers are not passed onto them so they get to be an average of approximately 900 pounds not the 450-500 pound average of lions and tigers. I think that's very interesting.

5/13/2005 9:24 AM  
Blogger Jason - Band Member said...

My comment above is a classic example of a run-on sentence by the way.

5/13/2005 9:25 AM  
Blogger Xerxes - Member of the Band said...

Did you know that LATSHAWS are the largest cats in the world because the growth inhibitors in female lions and male tigers are not passed onto them so they get to be an average of approximately 900 pounds not the 450-500 pound average of lions and tigers. I think that's very interesting.

5/15/2005 1:54 AM  
Blogger Jason - Band Member said...

Go to bed Drew.

5/15/2005 2:11 AM  
Blogger sha'uri said...

lol... ya'll are weird (I'm one to be talking... :-P)

5/16/2005 2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the comment you made about the humanzee is interesting, but did you ever think that the d.n.a. wouldn't show other than chimp. but i wonder if you looked closely at our dna is it realy proff possitive that we are humans. i see all the time people that look more like cavemen and are acting like them all the time. i think that we are walking proff that their are unusal creatures on this earth that could be our cousins and we should study them from affare to learn of our past and hopefully see what is instore for us in the future of genetic reserch. i hope we learn fast....

5/29/2005 2:31 PM  
Blogger mantispid said...

As a geneticist, I wasn't satisfied with their conclusions. We have no idea how many chromosomes a human/chimp hybrid should have. For all we know, they have 48.

Also, their mitochondrial DNA test showed some differences between Oliver's mtDNA and typical chimp mtDNA, but they didn't say whether or not they compared it against human mtDNA.

If Oliver has human mtDNA, it would mean that his mother was human. If he has chimp mtDNA, then his mother was a chimp (which still means he could be a hybrid, though).

The test I would run would be to look for extreme heterozygosity in several genes. If there is a high degree of heterozygosity, with one half of the data matching human, and the other half matching chimp, then that would confirm that he is a hybrid.

Funny that they didn't do any of these types of tests.

7/18/2005 1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i haven't read the 1996 journal in Science that contains the research but i saw elsewhere that the conclusion reached there was based on blood protein analysis. oliver could have been a chimera whereby his blood exhibited chimp tissue characteristics and other tissue human.

seriously wouldn't be surprised if creationism dogma played a role in the research method and presentation

9/02/2005 2:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that it is impossible for a person and a chimp to mate have a kid it's rediculous to think about. I'm sure there are some screwed up people that would do a chimp but its genetically impossible.

9/18/2005 12:36 AM  
Anonymous oliver said...

i don't appreciate you guys talking about me like that. i really am a nice guy. i swear...

12/02/2005 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe "they" did do the tests that mantispid said but "they" don't want anyone to know. If you watche the show they said in China there was a pregnant female chimp with inseminated human sperm and was 3 mo. pregnant when the place was abandoned and she died of neglect. And the rumor of the chimp in Orang Park, Fl that did go full term and the baby was uthinized. So we may never know.

12/03/2005 11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is that Gorge W Bush

12/04/2005 2:08 PM  
Anonymous horace said...

Oliver was bought in 1999 by the Oakland Hells Angels.

12/04/2005 5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's true actually. I wonder why that wasn't mentioned in the doc? Wonder what those guys did with him?

12/04/2005 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Texrat said...

"I think that it is impossible for a person and a chimp to mate have a kid it's rediculous to think about. I'm sure there are some screwed up people that would do a chimp but its genetically impossible"

Not true. It's as possible as horses mating with donkeys to create mules.

12/06/2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger gillian said...

i googled humanzee today after watching the same documentary and your site came up. then i d/led all your mp3s and they are awesome, and you know what is more awesome is that you recorded them in boysetsfire's basement cause they are like my fourth favorite band ever.

12/07/2005 11:35 AM  
Blogger Jason - Band Member said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/07/2005 11:39 AM  
Blogger Jason - Band Member said...

gillian--

that's so cool. join our mailing list so we can keep you up to date when we release new music. what area do you live in?

12/07/2005 11:40 AM  
Blogger gillian said...

chicago

12/08/2005 12:17 PM  
Anonymous SK8TERBOY said...

all of this humanzee stuff is a bunch of bull. now its possible it can happen but it wont any time soon. this thing of a half human half chimp is as real as aliens abducting people.

1/24/2006 9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like poop!

4/13/2006 7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...how relevant and informative.

6/03/2006 1:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we're all just organic matter anyway... Sure it could happen, if not by nature by underground science. We as humans just think we're soooo special that it couldnt

6/11/2006 4:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"we're all just organic matter anyway"

by this reasoning, we could breed with shrimp, pumpkins, and amoebas. If all it took was organic matter, there would be some really freaky creatures hanging about.

6/16/2006 9:45 AM  
Anonymous Dr. Shen Xia Yen said...

Unusual baby with human and simian features was born to a Mongolian prostitute woman in special Beijing hospital in 2003. SARS story was government cover up to close down all hospitals to prevent story from getting out. This baby was kept a big secret by the Central Committee. Some doctors and nurse disappear. Rumor among physicians in Beijing is that father of baby is the chimp/man named Oliver. I saw this baby for only a few minutes, it looked like human with facial structure hints of a chimp. Baby had much hair and large hand/foot structure. Appeared very odd, but intelligent. The mother is good-for-nothing street whore claiming that she was paid big money by Russian man to have sex with special chimp. She says the chimp was like man in many ways and drinking much Beijinger whiskey. Who knows, maybe true? Anyway, baby is now in the Chinese Space Agency headquarters building located at #2, Jiang Tai Lu, Chao Yang District in Beijing not far from the Lido. This building is top security and very difficult to enter, but you can see windows from street where sometimes chimp like figure is seen inside reading newspaper and smoking cigar. Some CP big shots talk quietly about this chimp/man going to moon on Chinese rocket because too dangerous for human. This is possible because China always take safe approach to risky operations so not to loose face if failure.

Dr. Shen Xia Yen

6/17/2006 2:17 PM  
Anonymous Joe Shea said...

The notes above do capture much of Oliver’s public life, but only those elements specifically created by the government to gather open attention. There is much more to the story.

Hello. I am an older gentlemen now and while I prefer to stay in the shadows, my failing health and age continue to reduce the potential for reprecussions.

In the middle 70s, I ran an elite aviation/aerospace group in southern California for a little known agency. Located in the town of Upland, my team was quartered at a small private airfield called Cable. Our public front was that of a civilian aviation patrol club, ostensibly formed to conduct pilot training and air search, etc.

In the spring of 76, I was contacted through my channels and instructed to perform support assistance for what was then termed Operation BAKER BREAD. In short course, my team Squadron Two Five received ample funding, and received a liaison visit from the Op Controller who was known to me only as Richard. I meet with him in a small place on the Foothill Blvd., the Upper Crust, where I received my general tasking: design and test flight control and operating modules that could be understood and used by a chimp. According to Richard, the protocol was established as a Hot Sheet item, the desire being to preclude any further incident such as that which had befallen Gary Powers.

Over the months, my team commenced design and prototyping in a private hangar at Cable (N 2-4). We installed the controls and surrogate lifting surfaces onto a sled of sorts in order to permit a controlled examination of the operations without flight risk. In the fall of the year, I first met Oliver.

One our introduction, he merely strolled into our quonset hut, touched two fingers to his right brow without breaking gait, and helped himself to my package of Camel cigarettes. I was simply astonished. I had been working on a personal device, a machine designed to clean and polish Golf balls, that I intended to market to luxory hotels. Within several hours, Oliver had become familiar enough with the machine to safely operate it - he even adjusted a troublesome switch for the ejection/removal.

Over the winter months, we began testing our monkey piloted rocket sled. These tests occured far out in the desert; you may still visit the area now by driving 90 or so miles east of a small town called Halloran Springs. While the mechanical testing went well, I began to see the ugly side of Oliver - a side that perplexed and frightened me. A chronic smoker, he would slip into despondant periods during which he would drink alcohol heavily and show aggressive behavior. Several instances nearly shut down the project; one involved his brandishing an empty bottle and striking an assistant (it was poor old man Miller) over the head, apparently to take possession of his felt hat. As Miller lie in the sand, unconcious, I observed Oliver to exhault in the moment, wavering both limbs wildly and flashing his teeth while hooting. He wore the hat for several days, then filled it with his own urine and left it.

Still more troubling was his untoward sexual conduct. In another incident, a young support staff worker, Patty, fled the camp in a rush and did not return the following week. Months later I was to learn that Oliver had attacked her sexually, and that their union had in fact resulted in pregnancy. Richard arrived to discuss the matter and here revealed that Oliver was, indeed, a hybrid simian. Attempts to breed him to human females had taken place, with those results being termed horrible “pirates and ringmasters”. I learned only later that Patty had been spirited off from the area in order to deliver the offspring of Oliver. I was only to glad when testing was complete. I never heard another word regarding the Op or of Oliver until recently. The recent spate of news makes me wonder if it is all timed to coincide with the progeny of Oliver.

6/17/2006 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bs ^^^

6/27/2006 9:42 AM  
Blogger bigalelphick said...

Is it true that oliver raped a woman who used to feed him and was a was a chinese woman offered money to have sexual activity wi th him to see what would happen?

7/16/2006 2:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oliver's not a humanzee, he's a bonobo.

11/04/2006 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oliver is ALIVE! And he needs help.

See story here:
http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A429272

12/15/2006 2:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work at a sanctuary with chimpanzees and we were discussing Oliver and the story behind him. The truth is, he was taught to behave "human-like" and had undergone plastic surgery to look the way he did. Its quite sad what some people will do to get noticed in the media.

5/28/2007 11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guyz are crazy!! I would do it with a Humanzee espceially with OLIVER!!!
ROCK ON!!

5/29/2007 4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to say, some of the people on this blog have the IQ of a fruit salad -- nothing more intelligent to say that to insult president Bush and creationist beliefs. I'm just sayin', it's not that funny any more. Find something new.

8/22/2008 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah, like you have any time to waste, get over it.

3/05/2009 12:22 AM  
Anonymous Dr. Zaius said...

Oliver was a chimp, but a very rare type of chimp. He represents about 2% of the world wide chimp population, and is believed to be the next step in Chimpanzee evolution. Other Normal chimps shunned him, and he only walked upright. he also had a very good understanding of human speech.

3/18/2009 2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OLIVER IS A BONOBO!!
A bonobo is a species of ape that lives exclusively in the Congo and is an endagered species. LOOK IT UP!

9/07/2009 12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Comrades,

chimp OLIVER live now in PRC-Beijing. Make hard training and great study academic to for space adventure lunar soon. Friend Joe Shea reveal not hole truth completeness. Item is data of crucial type keeping above top secret made by Colonel Shea - he more have saying of truth maybe. Monkey guided rocket sled project is just beginning - soon PRC sending OLIVER to capture moon for big propaganda global. Human partial Progeny of OLIVER now keep in BEIJING secret lair nearest Lido Centre. This place looking as resemble oil drill or water drilling but factual is hide venue of childs of OLIVER and woman (Human). Keeping maybe for future space mission???

Dr. Shen Xia Yen

9/26/2009 9:52 PM  
Anonymous Rhonda said...

How come no one has mentioned how cruel and inhumane it would be to create such a thing? Seriously. It's just awful to think about, not to mention...gross!And if such a creature exsisted, how do you know it wouldn't have thoughts and feelings just like we do?

1/17/2010 8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All Creation occurs between
Opposites, and exists only as Opposites -
with a zero value existence. As One or as
a Godism, all Opposite values cancel out
to nothing. The Circle you see around
Earth divides Earth into Opposite values
equal to a zero existence. As One or God,
both Earth and Human cancel to nothing.
The whole of the Universe is composed of
Opposites - with a zero value existence -
that camcels to nothing as One or a God.

timecube.com

1/22/2010 5:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your music is terrible

2/10/2010 9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah I remember when I had my first beer. I though I was a humanzee... so it's gotta be real

3/10/2010 12:40 AM  

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